1. The Cost of Change
At the outset of 2019 as our family grew we realized we needed to find a new home along with the other goals we had set for ourselves.
Unfortunately, the year began with the loss of a grandfather in February…….
Then, from March to June I spent almost every waking minute outside of work looking for a new home that would be large enough for our growing family. As a family, we would spend three out of four weekends a month going to showings to see if the potential homes were “the one”.
The month of June started with our son bringing home straight A’s to complete his 3rd grade year. This resulted in at least a weekend of celebration - we were (and still are) very proud! The month was also filled with all of the things that come with preparing to move; visits to banks, cleaning, renovations and remodels, as we prepared our old home for a new family.
The beginning of July marked the start of the actual move into our new home. June was also the start of some updates and additions to the new home, including finding out about Baby #3!
As we moved through August, we readied ourselves with the start of a new school year for Aaron and all of the familiar routines while continuing those aforementioned updates to our new home.
September proved to be another hard month… the loss of another grandfather….
Grandpa’s passing lingered in our hearts and minds for a while (and it still does as I type). It was not until the middle of November when any of us felt right thinking about the holidays. Even then, as we thought about the the holidays, it was not the typical “holiday cheer”. Rather, it was during the planning of extended families dinners that brought our hearts around to, in some sense, celebrating.
It was in this transition, as I looked back at how full the year had been, and a change in my heart began. I started to realize that our family, not only began to grow physically with the addition of a Christmas puppy and baby number three, but that there was a great deal of mental and spiritual growth that each family member had. In the same moment, I meditated on just how all of the change and growth happened and what it took to get there. This is when I started to think about and analyze the cost.
The time it took - time consistently devoted to an individual concept/goal.
The dialogue that was shared - communication with my wife for our family’s priorities and pursuits as well as communication with my future self; said another way shared logic.
The chase that took place - the actual running down and doing, day after day, of the truth-both the truth of what was and the truth that we wanted to create.
None of these things are mind blowing to think about, but as I looked back I was amazed at how our family rode the roller coaster of the year and still accomplished what we had set out to do. I realized that we learned, not in concept, but in embodied action how to keep our focus and improve our lives in ways that last.
Even more humbling is that almost exclusively, our family was composed and not overwhelmed by what life brought us. We did not lash out at one another or make those tough times worse. It became very evident all of these different events so heavily relied on things that we had been consistently doing in our daily lives. It was clear that the intentional pursuit of our goals lead us to be prepared for the unknown.
Yes, there were decisions and follow through to be had but I realized that the majority of the work that was needed was already done. I wholeheartedly believe that we were ready for the chaos the year brought from the preparations we made while getting ready to pursue our goal of finding a new home.
Megan and I knew that achieving this goal would require constant open lines of communication, flexibility, and the ability to adapt when we encountered an unexpected circumstance. We prioritized that mindset and helped foster it by setting up our daily lives in a way that made it self perpetuating.
In no way does that mean all choices and events were easy to endure or carry out. There were times where I needed the support of my wife to get out of bed or to feel that my life and efforts at work were meaningful. It does mean, however, that being intentional is a necessity. It means that we must choose where we want to go and it means that we must choose to deal with issues as soon as we see them. Sweeping them under the rug or pretending that nothing is wrong WILL make everything worse. We must make the choice to work on the things that weigh on our hearts and minds before life chooses for us and it explodes in our face.
I was reminded of something my mom used to say to me as a kid, “Nothing is free”. As I remembered this saying, I realized that choosing to deal with the shortcomings in my own heart and mind is the cost of being prepared. It is the cost to laying the groundwork for lasting growth. That to make progress in our homes and for our families we must prioritize tomorrow. We must not look for the freebie or the shortcut. but be willing to pay the cost. We must sacrifice today for that tomorrow we long for.
-NT